Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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