lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
