before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
