so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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