My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
