but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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