what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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