i think my tv is drunk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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