We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
only if we run a train.
done.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
