what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
