um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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