yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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