Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
