Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
