You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
