she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
