She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
