Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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