How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
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