I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize