Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
