You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can I color on your dick again?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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