Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
