tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
