I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
