Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
