omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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