when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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