Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
