And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
