Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
