summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
