Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
