careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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