i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
