So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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