I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
