The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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