and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
