Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
