sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
