marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Screwed.edu
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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