I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
