dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
