Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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