put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
