i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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