i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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