I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
