so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
