im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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