is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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