I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
