sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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