You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
