Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
