Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
