i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
