so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
