I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
