In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
