I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just had sex on a roof
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
