Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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