I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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