I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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