Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
