I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
