you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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