Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
