Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Randomize
