he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
