It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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